Posted by
skep41 on Thursday, April 08, 2010 2:26:48 PM
Santa
Monica used to be a slum. In the 60's all those beach towns were
definitely low-rent and run down. Not any more. Santa Monica has become
Yuppie Central, like a vast colony of prairie dogs, except instead of
those cute little yellow-ochre rodents Santa Monica is a giant warren
of granola-eating New Age loonies addicted to destructive behaviors
that cause societal erosion...like voting for Henry Waxman. A run-down
shack in this little enclave tucked in between LA and the beach sells
for over a mil and severe rent control has made apartments only
available to those who can afford to pay the landlord huge 'key fees'
to move in. A walk down the Third Street Mall will find you confronted
by petition circulators who are trying to put measures on the ballot
that would turn the State of California into an even more bleak
economic desert than the left-wing loonies in the legislature have so
far been able to accomplish.
What is dearer to the hearts of
these paisley-clad Puritans in their pursuit of a Clean Green Planet
than forcing all of us to eat a diet completely devoid of any kind of
flavor or juice? Its amazing that they havent outdone that whacky
little screwball who claims to be mayor of New York City by banning
salt, transfat, meat produced from unhappy animals, or any food containing any
kind of preservatives. In fact these pinched-mouthed fanatics hardly
ever agree on what constitutes non-sinful eating but they tend to agree on
one food as being completely politically correct...sushi.
Yes,
you heard me, sushi. A piece of raw fish laid across a seaweed-wrapped,
circular disk of usually white rice (brown in the case of the truly
hard-core). Of course Sashimi, Nigiri, Maki rolls, all are OK for
good-thinking Santa Monicans as long as their wallets hold up to the
stiff costs of these little niblets of raw fish and sculptured veggies.
The vibes in the numerous sushi establishments that are far more
numerous than gas stations in that Progressive burg are SO highly
evolved you can almost sense Gaia looking down with a smile lighting up
her Earth Mother visage.
But of course no one is perfect. Many
of the sushi chefs hail from formerly unknown Japanese cities with
names like Zacatecas and Guadelajara. All of the serving staff speak a
patois of Japanese known to its speakers as
Espanol.
The upscale owners of these bistros have been known to chastise
mistakes in service with rhino-hide swagger sticks purchased from the
British Empire going-out-of-business sale. These minor sins can be
overlooked by an accepting population who recognizes that movement in a
Green Direction is progress.
Then it happened. It was on 4th
Street, right in the belly of the Green Beast, that some sharp eye
noticed a popular upscale sushi bar was selling
whale
sushi. Little strips of whale laid lovingly across the little muffins
of seaweed-wrapped rice. Oh they had some euphemistic name for it but
it was whale. A mob formed and the owner of the joint barely escaped
painful bloody murder at the hands of an angry crowd of people who only
eat organic eggs from cage-free chickens. Its lucky that there was a
medical marijuana dispensary and a sexual appliance store on either
side of the sushi bar or the outraged hippies would have torched the
scene of the crime.
Now there are neighborhoods in my beloved
Los Angeles where people happily wear jumpsuits lined with fur from
snow leopards and carry dolphin-skin handbags encrusted with
rhinestones. My neighborhood as a matter of fact. We have a word for
people like that...Iranians. You can see them speeding down the
left-hand turn lane in the center of Ventura Boulevard in their
badly-tuned Hummers laying down a carpet of black diesel smoke and
screaming in Farsi on their cell phones. They probably eat whale
shwarma all the time. My fellow Republicans, as they have developed a
healthy resentment to being fleeced by high taxes and watching Barak
Obama and Hillary Clinton suck up to the evil regime in Iran.
But over the hill they dont have any truck with
cetacean
murder. They deny themselves that last order of Unagi so they can kick
in to reelect Hog-Nosed Hank and Babs Boxer without realizing that
their favorite food is about to be denied to them by the same regime
they elected so lovingly sixteen months ago. How could this be? Sushi
is to the Obama Administration what pizza was to the Clinton
Administration, its outrageous to think that the sushi-eaters who
monopolize the upper reaches of our government would do anything to
outlaw their favorite food.
Outlaw? No, but have these thoughtful Greenies considered what imposing a Value Added Tax might do to the price
of their fishy treats? In the UK they imposed a VAT in the bleak, dark,
socialistic seventies. What happened? Prices exploded overnight. A VAT
is imposed at every level so the costs of rice and fish are taxed and
then the cost of sushi is taxed when you buy it at the sushi bar. The
cost of parking your car is taxed. Chopsticks, ginger and wasabi?
Ditto. In the UK the business owners decided that everyone was
expecting a price hike so they added a great big one to the VAT,
figuring it could just be blamed on the government. Those eight-dollar
spicy tuna rolls might double in price. The gas to drive your car to
Santa Monica will double and triple as the idiotic foriegn policy
climbdown turns the Middle East over to the nuked-up Iranians.
Inflation.
It will crash into the beachside cafe culture of upscale places like
Santa Monica like a tsunami. As the sushi-addicts are cold-turkeyed
from their favorite food you'll see them wading into the
sewage-polluted surf with meat-cleavers attacking the dolphins and sea
lions with a hungry gleam in their eyes and crowds of sushi-deprived
Green Activists devouring the fresh carcasses on the beach wrapping
bloody scraps of cetacean flesh in the slimy seaweed that washes up
with every wave. The Obama Depression has so far been fairly selective.
The upscale have managed to avoid its most onerous effects but the day
they impose a VAT that will be a thing of the past. This
mega-inflationary tax is a wealth destroyer and a poverty creator.
Are
the whales safe then? After all, its hard to swim far enough out to
clip one of them with your meat-cleaver and you wont be able to afford
gas or tie-up fees for a boat. Hmmm. Maybe they're safe, maybe not. The
power vacuum created by the economic suicide of America will cause the
rise of a new Superpower in the Pacific. China. Not a society known for
their stewardship of the environment. Whale eaters. Drag net users.
Dolphin killers. No environmental conscience at all.
The Obama
policies could easily lead to the extinction of every form of marine
life outside of those Chinese chemical and fish-feces polluted fish
farms that are so notorious for contamination that Green markets like
Trader Joes were forced to relabel their tilapia fillets as Chilean. It
was easy to make a sticker that covered the 'na' at the end of the
phrase Made In China with an 'le', creating a much more safe and
salable product.
Not that you'll be able to afford tilapia
fillets at $750 a box. Even the rice will be unavailable as the Green
Nutballs cut off the water to every rice paddy in California in the
name of the Delta Smelt, the only fish that has a chance of survival in
the next few years. Every Obama policy is dedicated to make you live
poorer than the poor in the poorest countries. You'll be cashing your
unemployment check so you can use the worthless currency to light a
fire to keep warm.
Hope And Change.